Ugh. Summer is over. Maybe not in the sense that the temperatures are changing but in the sense that school has started back. I got stuck behind a school bus that made four stops back to back before it finally turned. Not that that is a problem in my day. It is just a defining factor that school has started. And with that, I start classes this week too. Back to school!
I never planned to go back to school, for anything. I have had enough of school and I have been out of school for long enough, that I don’t carry any desire to go back and sit in a classroom. But with my current situation of not having gainful employment, here I am looking to go back to school. The plan is to just grab a quick license to make me more marketable to the world of employment.
Things to worry about
This brings on a whole set of worries. I have to worry about shitting my pants. Or should I say, not shitting my pants. The goal is not to shit my pants. The goal is to not feel like I might shit my pants.
I don’t know what to eat. I feel like I should not eat anything. Nothing is safe for me.
And I need to get up real early every day and make sure my bowels have time to empty before I even leave the house.
You know those images you see randomly on the internet, the marathon runners who shit themselves in the middle of the race and just keep running. *quick prayer, Lord please don’t let that be me.
I might not recover from that. I have to go to class for weeks on end with the same people. They would be witness to my pants shitting.
Places my head goes
I have thought about the thought of wearing an adult diaper. It is only a thought, I am not going to do it. There has just been some ponderings on it. I am not sure how those things work. For instance, I have the water shits. How much does that diaper hold? A cup of fluid? And then you are just sitting in your shit? It has got to be wet. And squishy. I get it now, why babies cry when they have a dirty diaper. I want to cry just thinking about it.
Not everyone is as understanding as Ryan. Like, hey pull over, he doesn’t blink an eye. He is my person and he totally gets that there is a problem. OH. I hope I don’t have to tell a classmate, hey pull over, I gotta shit.
This whole, school, class thing, studying, tests, that stuff doesn’t worry me at all. It is bathrooms, it is running out of a room unexplained, new people looking at you wondering what in the world is wrong with her. It is “emergency” situations.
My worrying does not do any good for the situation. I know that. I cannot shut it off.
Aaaand we are off!
So here we go. New situation. New people. I have to come up with something new for lunches. Find all the bathrooms. All the new things while trying not to shit my pants. I am ready.
Back to school! Fifty-eleventh grade here I come!
