So often the way you pose a question can trigger all kinds of emotions. It could be bad emotions, as you have hurt the person’s feelings by just asking the question because the question was not worded eloquently. The question could be invasive, and it touched on the recipient’s nerves. Maybe it is none of your business and you asked the question and the recipient does not care to answer. I believe one should be well versed in both the art of avoiding and asking a question.
Through time and experience, I have learned that you do not have to answer every question posed to you.
Learning to say no is such a huge deal. If someone asks you to do something you care not to do, just say no. There is no need for an excuse to follow, you do not have to have a comeback. No, is a perfectly fine, solid answer and should need no more. If the question asker looks at you for more, just look back at them matter of fact.
I find that you can flip a question back to the question asker and that will often throw off a misguided question. If one were to ask, how did you get money to buy this land? Then toss it back at them, how did you get money to buy your land? That will wake up the question asker to realize that they were out of line. You could always be truthful and say that your finances are not up for discussion. That is a shut down too.
How to ask a better question
I used to work with a guy who would ask every Monday morning, how was your weekend? He didn’t want to hear that it was just good, he wanted details. Time and time again, he would try to pry if you just blew him off with a, it was good. This guy was not a buddy that I wanted to share my life with. He was invasive. I had no desire to give him any details of my time spent away from work. I eventually learned that the only reason he would ask is so you would in return ask about his weekend so he could talk about himself.
When I quit that job mentioned above and went on a yearlong journey of looking for a job, I realized how out of touch people are with one another. Most people I am in contact with do not pose a good quality question. If you were to have asked me how I was during that time (I was not well) I would have politely answered that all was well.
In time, I learned that I have two friends who are good question-askers. And to me, a good question-asker equates to a good friend. Not that the others are not good friends, but these good question-askers rank a little higher. One that cares about you and asks the right questions makes you feel valued.
A good question
Instead of asking “How was your day” how about asking, “What was the best part of your day?” Or how about, “Did anything go well in your day today?” These are questions that get down to real life. Not a question that can be blown off with, “good.” A question that has to have a real answer shows that you are invested in the person.
It is not yet New Year’s resolutions time but I am going to start with the Christmas holidays and gatherings and ask better questions of those I am convened with. I am also going to avoid the questions I don’t want to answer.
Are you a good question-asker?
Are you good at avoiding and asking questions?
tesct5